Oopsie!

Man Awakes in Morgue Fridge

Another Commercial that Always Gets Muted

It's becoming clear to me that I don't like screaming in commercials.

This Looks Interesting

The Elements of F***ing Style: A Helpful Parody

The truth about English is that it can get pretty boring. Dangling modifiers, gerunds, punctuation marks––it’s enough to make you want to drop out of high school. Swearing and sex on the other hand, well, these time-honored pastimes warm the cockles of our hearts. Now, The Elements of F*cking Style drags English grammar out of the ivory tower and into the gutter, injecting a dull subject with a much-needed dose of color.

Carmageddon / Carpocalypse: Here it Comes

And someone is not happy.

Oh, and I'm flying into LAX on Saturday. Looking forward to that.

Current Least Favorite Commercial

And it's on all the time. Please, can someone yell at me for 20 seconds while I watch an obvious and lame digital aging process?!? Blech and ugh!

My second least favorite are these GEICO commercials with this, I don't know, some kind of Rod Serling impersonation. Also lame and annoying.

Wow

I guess things have been going ok since I haven't posted here in over a year.

Yeah, right.

I'll watch for opportunities to vent my spleen.

Like, for example, the fact that I haven't been here for a year to vent my spleen. What have I been thinking. Ugh!

Today

Well, mark it down. February 12, 2008 is the day I officially have had it up to here with winter. The cold, the slush, the ice, the lack of sun, the filth on the car, the layers and layers of clothes. Ugh!

Suck It, Happy People

From Slate:

A study suggests extreme happiness may be bad for you. Findings: 1) "The highest levels of income, education and political participation were reported not by the most satisfied individuals, but by moderately satisfied individuals." 2) Extremely happy people "earned significantly less money" and earned lower school grades than moderately happy people. 3) They "may not live as long," either.

Want to Vent Your Spleen . . .

. . . but need help getting started?

The (so-called) Positivity Blog offers “9 Great Ways to Make Yourself Absolutely Miserable.”

1. Compare everything you do to the lives and accomplishments of other people.
   
2. Go along with what everyone else tells you. And try to please everyone.
   
3. Live in a sea of negative voices.
   
4. Never mix things up or try something new.
   
5. Spend too much of your time in the past and/or the future.
   
6. Focus on what you don’t want.
   
7. Spend your time looking for magic pills.
   
8. Always be looking for and relying on external validation.
   
9. Take things too seriously.
   

Then focus that misery into a good spleen vent!

On Venting

So I realize the last post is getting less and less funny. At 8:23 am on December 31 . . . pretty funny. January 1 and 2 . . . still humorous. January 12 . . . well, not so much.

So if I had anything to vent about at all, it would be that I haven't had anything to vent about. And, of course, that's certainly nothing to vent about. That's something to be thankful for.

And I truly am.

Happy New Year

Well, that about sums it up.

HT: The Presurfer

Actual button available at the aptly named stupid.com

Idiotic

If this isn't a joke, it's one of the most idiotic things I've seen in a while: Forbes ranks most influential babies.

Yeah, that's right.

To emphasize the idiocy, there's a tie for 7th place.

Really?!? A tie?!? Forbes couldn't figure out if infant A is more influential than infant B?!?

Ugh!!!

Now They Tell Me

Today’s Chicago Tribune (blog) carries an article on how to walk on an ice covered sidewalk. We’ve had two weeks of icy sidewalks, and I’ve already taken a good spill. Nothing broken thankfully, but a huge bruise on my arm and a cut on my leg.

And what advice is the Tribune able to find? “Look where you're going.”

Well, thanks.

In Praise of Spleen Vents

Slate has a great column on The Lost Art of the Rant. Be sure to check out some of the links in the article for great spleen vents. As a now frequent public transportation rider, Mister Ginger particularly recommends NYC Subway Rant.

Note to Self: Drink Morning Coffee BEFORE Walking Dog

In the couple of weeks that we’ve had a dog, I’ve found myself on more than one occasion explaining something to the dog in considerable detail. Yes, I know that while dogs can learn to recognize commands, generally single word commands, they don’t really understand us.

So the other morning I’m out walking the dog at the butt-crack of dawn, and we come upon a woman walking two dogs.

I should mention at this point that having gotten Bailey from a shelter, we’re still not certain how she will react in various situations, particularly when other dogs are involved. Sometimes she lunges, sometimes she cowers, sometimes she’s indifferent.

This particular morning, she seemed mildly curious, so I let her edge toward the dogs (both of whom where smaller than her, but not tiny). I was trying, with a soothing voice, to encourage her with, “just say hello . . . just say hello.”

After a few moments of silence, the woman walking the other dogs says, “Oh, um, good morning.” I was in such a just-woke-up-fog that I didn’t realize until a few minutes later that the lady thought I was talking to her, not my dog.

The Math is Simple

Shaved Head + Sunny Day + Long Walk = Sunburn

Overexcited Bozo

Some guy is all excited that his book chapter got in print. Ooooo, good for him. It’s not like he wrote a whole book. And hardcover at that! Now that’s something to be excited about.

Outhouse

The bathroom in my building is on the corner of the building, is completely uninsulated (cinder block walls), and has only a small, electric wall heater (no vents from the central heat). It's really little better than an outhouse.

And, as you may know, today was the first day in a while that the temperature has been above 0.

Yeah, no one lingers in the men's.

Does the World Really Need This?

The AP reports that a "doctor" in North Carolina has developed a donut that contains caffeine.

Each piece of pastry is the equivalent of about two cups of coffee.

I simply do not understand.

That Explains It

Monday, 22 January, is the most depressing day of the year according to the Samaritans.

As part of a campaign to raise the awareness of the charity, Dr. Cliff Arnall of Cardiff University first defined blue Monday. He devised the mathematical equation:

[W + (D-d)] x TQ
    M x NA

The model was broken down using six immediately identifiable factors: weather (W), debt (d), time since Christmas (T), time since failing our new year's resolutions (Q), low motivational levels (M) and the feeling of a need to take action (Na).

The equation calculates that Monday 22 January is officially the worst day of the year. (Recruiter Magazine)

Yup